this is for you curt...
RUAL KANSAS RULES.....
Listen up City Slickers !
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I
drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how
slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.
Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they
smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get
over it. Don't like it? Rt. 70 goes east and west, I-35
goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're
impressed. We have $ 300,000 combines and hay
balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in Kansas waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3
does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the
time.
8. Yeah, we eat biscuits & gravy, beans & cornbread. You
really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the
first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women
regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12 When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three
spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't
care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you
eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown,
wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be
cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long
hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here
as the Lakers and the Knicks, and more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water
hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17.. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State
Universities,Private Universities, Community Colleges,
and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education
plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air
Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you
will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That
thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to
hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer
back to #1.
20. 2 inches of ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation..
Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all
our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This
ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day
without croissants The pickups with snow blades will
have you out the next day.
RUAL KANSAS RULES.....
Listen up City Slickers !
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I
drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how
slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus.
Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they
smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get
over it. Don't like it? Rt. 70 goes east and west, I-35
goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're
impressed. We have $ 300,000 combines and hay
balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in Kansas waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3
does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the
time.
8. Yeah, we eat biscuits & gravy, beans & cornbread. You
really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the
first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women
regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu.
Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12 When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three
spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't
care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you
eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown,
wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be
cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long
hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important here
as the Lakers and the Knicks, and more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water
hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17.. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State
Universities,Private Universities, Community Colleges,
and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education
plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air
Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you
will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That
thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to
hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer
back to #1.
20. 2 inches of ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation..
Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all
our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This
ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day
without croissants The pickups with snow blades will
have you out the next day.
