1. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet..
2. My friend Mary said to me "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"
She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
3. I once dated a mime. I hope I left her with a good impression.
4. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
5. Do you know...
A Few Lame Ones
