My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
> channels. Sheasked, 'What's on TV?'I said,
> 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ------------
> --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- My wife
> was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> anniversary.She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
> from 0 to 160 in about 3seconds.'I bought her a scale.
> And then the fight started... ------------ ---------
> --------- --------- --------- --------- When I got home last
> night, my wife demanded that I take her
> someplaceexpensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And
> then the fight started... ------------ --------- ---------
> --------- --------- ---------- After retiring, I went to the
> Social Security office to apply for SocialSecurity. The
> woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
> licenseto verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized
> I had left mywallet at home. I told the woman that I was
> very sorry, but I would haveto go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
> my shirt revealingmycurly silver hair. She said, 'That
> silver hair on your chest is proofenough for me' and she
> processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I
> excitedly told ;my wife about my experience at theSocial
> Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your
> pants. You might have gottendisability, too.' And then
> the fight started... ------------ --------- ---------
> --------- --------- --------- My wife and I were sitting at
> a table at my high school reunion, and Ikept staring at a
> drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at anearby
> table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I
> understand shetook todrinking right after we split up those
> many years ago, and I hear shehasn't been sober
> since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would
> think a person could go oncelebrating that long?' And
> then the fight started... ------------ --------- ---------
> --------- --------- --------- I took my wife to a
> restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took myorder first.
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
> please." He said, "Aren't you worried about
> the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for
> herself." And then the fight started. .. ------------
> --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- A woman is
> standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
> nothappy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I
> feel horrible; Ilook old, fat and ugly. I really need you to
> pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your
> eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight
> started..... ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> --------- --------- I tried to talk my wife into buying a
> case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar
> of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her
> look better at night than the coldcream. And then the fight
> started.... ------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
> I told hernot as much as the dress she wore yesterday and
> then the fight started..... ------------ --------- ---------
> --------- ------ A man and a woman were asleep like two
> innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3o'clock in the morning, a
> loud noise came from outside. The woman,bewildered, jumped
> up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap.That
> must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed;
> scared and naked jumped out thewindow. He smashed himself on
> the ground, ran through a thorn bush andto his car as fast
> as he could go. A few minutes later he returned andwent up
> to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your
> husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why
> were you running?' And then the fight started.....
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> lunch, grabbedthe dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> I hooked up the boat up tothe truck, and proceeded to back
> out into a torrential downpour. Thewind was blowing 50 mph,
> so I pulled back into the garage, turned on theradio, and
> discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went
> backinto the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
> different anticipation, andwhispered, 'The weather out
> there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied,
> 'Can you believe my stupid husbandis out fishing in
> that?' And then the fight started ... ------------
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- I asked my
> wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?
> " It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
> appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long
> time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the
> kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- My
> wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
> we werein bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want
> to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then
> said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't
> even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So
> I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And
> that's when the fight started....
> channels. Sheasked, 'What's on TV?'I said,
> 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ------------
> --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- My wife
> was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> anniversary.She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
> from 0 to 160 in about 3seconds.'I bought her a scale.
> And then the fight started... ------------ ---------
> --------- --------- --------- --------- When I got home last
> night, my wife demanded that I take her
> someplaceexpensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And
> then the fight started... ------------ --------- ---------
> --------- --------- ---------- After retiring, I went to the
> Social Security office to apply for SocialSecurity. The
> woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
> licenseto verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized
> I had left mywallet at home. I told the woman that I was
> very sorry, but I would haveto go home and come back later.
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
> my shirt revealingmycurly silver hair. She said, 'That
> silver hair on your chest is proofenough for me' and she
> processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I
> excitedly told ;my wife about my experience at theSocial
> Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your
> pants. You might have gottendisability, too.' And then
> the fight started... ------------ --------- ---------
> --------- --------- --------- My wife and I were sitting at
> a table at my high school reunion, and Ikept staring at a
> drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at anearby
> table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I
> understand shetook todrinking right after we split up those
> many years ago, and I hear shehasn't been sober
> since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would
> think a person could go oncelebrating that long?' And
> then the fight started... ------------ --------- ---------
> --------- --------- --------- I took my wife to a
> restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took myorder first.
> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
> please." He said, "Aren't you worried about
> the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for
> herself." And then the fight started. .. ------------
> --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- A woman is
> standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
> nothappy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I
> feel horrible; Ilook old, fat and ugly. I really need you to
> pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your
> eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight
> started..... ------------ --------- --------- ---------
> --------- --------- I tried to talk my wife into buying a
> case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar
> of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her
> look better at night than the coldcream. And then the fight
> started.... ------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
> My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
> I told hernot as much as the dress she wore yesterday and
> then the fight started..... ------------ --------- ---------
> --------- ------ A man and a woman were asleep like two
> innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3o'clock in the morning, a
> loud noise came from outside. The woman,bewildered, jumped
> up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap.That
> must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed;
> scared and naked jumped out thewindow. He smashed himself on
> the ground, ran through a thorn bush andto his car as fast
> as he could go. A few minutes later he returned andwent up
> to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your
> husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why
> were you running?' And then the fight started.....
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> lunch, grabbedthe dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> I hooked up the boat up tothe truck, and proceeded to back
> out into a torrential downpour. Thewind was blowing 50 mph,
> so I pulled back into the garage, turned on theradio, and
> discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went
> backinto the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
> different anticipation, andwhispered, 'The weather out
> there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied,
> 'Can you believe my stupid husbandis out fishing in
> that?' And then the fight started ... ------------
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- I asked my
> wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?
> " It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
> appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long
> time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the
> kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....
> ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- My
> wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
> we werein bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want
> to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then
> said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't
> even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So
> I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And
> that's when the fight started....
